What should you do when someone insults you, wrongs you, or simply drives you crazy?

In Book Eleven of Meditations, Marcus Aurelius gives himself nine remarkably practical reminders for dealing with difficult people—not nine ways to win an argument, but nine ways to keep someone else’s bad behavior from becoming bad behavior of his own.

In this episode, I explore three larger lessons: justice is something you practice rather than announce, understand before you judge, and recognize that gentleness can be a form of strength.

Marcus reminds himself to consider the other person’s perspective, remember his own imperfections, question whether he knows the whole story, put the disagreement into the perspective of a short life, and recognize that anger can often hurt us more than the original offense.

Perhaps most importantly, Marcus argues that genuine kindness can be remarkably difficult to defeat. That doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment or refusing to confront wrongdoing. It means learning to be firm without being cruel, disagree without hatred, and correct someone without needing to humiliate them.

Marcus was emperor of Rome, yet the power he continually worked to develop wasn’t power over other people. It was power over himself.

Remember their humanity. Remember your own. And when correction is necessary, try strength without cruelty.

Remember, the lessons are older than we are and just as relevant today.

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